hazumu blue

New stuff

First - my legal status change next step is in 2 days.

Second - i never expected that i find Murdock from the A-team my old role model. Yes - back when this was aired on TV i wanted to be "crazy" and be best pilot of UFOs around. I think The A-team as whole idea, series, way of life is what lies deeply inside of me.

there was a third but i'm too tired to put it to correct words
hazumu blue

Exploring my universes

I'm exploring my past universes to see what characters i incorporated in my past self, possibly to re-do it again and fix my programing.
I've remembered only things like Star Trek, The A-team, Macgyver and the Swat Cats but i never expected that there was a second bottom of different kind of stories. Stories such as Sally The Witch [first magical girl anime that ever existed] or this anime about a magical girl who came to live with human "sister".
I think those 2 stories describe one of my feelings - need for someone that is different, that is from world that is not your everyday life. Who knows - maybe its because i was such child who had spent more time with father on businesses trips, in workshops, on a railway stations than in normal school.

I know that part of me wants to go back to school, to age shown in those stories and play around like those magical girls, but other part says - use what you had used year later in technical school and keep ESP for emergencies.
I think this is the main idea behind my only character i wrote about. I wrote only few scenes related to Ocean Girl and... this to be thought over.
hazumu blue

My mistake with characters

For a long time i lived both as real life person and as a character inspired by books and movies. It was a good thing because it allowed me to have lots of freedom and distance towards people and so called real life problems but once i made a gigantic mistake.

Since the earliest childhood i got inspired by adventurers, explorers and scientists. I remember books by Jules Verne and later - me playing that i am crewman of Nautilius and i'm trying to fix something underwater. I remember thinking of how to change a railway locomotive into a UFO when i was about 8. I loved documentaries by Jacques Cousteau about undersea research and technology, but i also lived in MacGyver and The A-Team universes and learned from them all.
I loved to play with my friends that we are such agents like MacGyver or Mulder and Scully and we look into the unusual.
But then it ended and all of my friends suddenly grew up and lost interest in my world and i was left alone with my books, dreams, visions and lucid dreaming.


My biggest mistake was that i tried to go out, connect to "normal people". That i created and for a while became a character that was a normal girl with typical problems with family and friends. That meant that this character's problems became part of myself and now, when my mind is recovering from a sickness this gives me problems.
I know i am not normal, that i am more of a a self-thought scientist and that normal life and normal people are alien to me. But something from that "normal girl" i crated is keeping me from becoming who and what i wanted. And that is bad, and that is making me ill, and that is causing that i really may go insane.

I don't know if anyone is reading this but i know that if its written its written not only here but in time-space continuum, and in my soul.
hazumu blue

Neri in Minecraft

Ever played minecraft?
Well latest update contains "jungle" biome, and i was lucky enough to find terrain that resembles Neri's island a bit. Better... my friend got me a minecraft skin based on Neri. I think i'll be "busy" for a while :D

  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
hazumu blue

Haruhi Shizumiya, science behind OG

Seems i'm becoming more and more like certain Haruhi. Like her i healized as a child that as an adult i will be one of the mob, and like her i did prefer to "stay a child" and do research on aliens, time travelers and espers. Then came OG and i was so fascinated...

What i want to say is that i got what i wanted. It seems i nearly got all the things correct in my Alana character and i did become her. And to my suprise i have realized that there are alot of people who have those biology traits that made Alana the character survive military experiment.
Now i see it differently. Thing is that what they did to character's genetics is not relevent, because she had those meaningfull genes from birth. But fact that they forced her to explore certain posibilities and abilities allowed her to unlock what she always had. And judging form expirience of last 3 years of my life, i did not wrote about fictional character, but about real me.
So its time for putting my ideas for AGSB chapter two into real life expirience.

PS: Judith - you were correct about Laeka's story, good intuition!
  • Current Mood
hazumu blue

sometimes the best way to help a person is to stay away...

I have some issues, related to breaking unwanted, toxic relationship. It's often getting so much into me that i am depressed and sad.
And i have a friend, who has ESP, like me. She feels what i feel and when it happens she sometimes tries to help, help as she helped herself while she was in such state. With visions of Jesus Christ and prayers.
But what she does not know, or what she refuses to accept is, that Jesus is OK but he cannot help me with my problems. Christianity is so different from my way of thinking, that this attempt to help me is more of a burden than actual help. So please - do not help someone, unless you know what are you doing. I made this mistake once and i have learned this lesson. I hope my friend will learn this lesson too.
hazumu blue

Neri wont let me leave her universe ^^

Last friday i've met a person who is as crazy if it comes to science and stuff as i am. He is a pagan too so...
We started discussing common interest and eventually gotten to my OG fantasies and fanfiction.
And we decided to give it a try, to test out things i've researched for fanfiction as real science!

Theory is:
Ocean Girl season 1 shows a girl, who due to years of lifestyle close to nature, lots of exercise and some natural abilities, which happen sometimes in human population got all those extraordinary abilities we loved.
Neri from season 1 does not need to be an alien to be who she was, and this is to be researched!

I started research into this 2 years ago, when i realized that i do have the same attitude towards myself and people Neri had, but i was interrupted by sickness. Now i'm back to the issue, as both researcher and experimental rabbit.
Basically - it would mean that i would have a chance to eventually become my character, or even more. My friends have already started to call me Neri :d
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful


Today i did my first wiccan ritual, based on what my friends recomended. Feeling is great!
Seems i moved beond OG universe, towards El Cazador Del Bruja. Its logical, since both my experiments with myself and plot line of this anime are in a way, wery much alike :D
hazumu blue


Ok, after a year of struggle with my mind, with conflict between my father's will and my own i won.
From now my home is OFICCIALY PAGAN and no christian symbols are allowed to be present in my life.